# ■ 10

Dairyman Crick insisted that all the dairy people should milk different cows every day， not just their favourites． He was worried that a dairymaid might leave the dairy， and then her cows would not like being milked by a stranger． However， Tess began to find that the cows which came to her usually happened to be her favourites． This made her milking much easier． But she soon realized that it was not by chance， as it was Angel Clare who sent the cows in for milking．

‘Mr Clare，you have sent me my favourite cows！’she accused him one morning， blushing．

‘Well， it doesn't matter，’ said he．‘ You will always be here to milk them．’

‘Do you think so？I hope I shall．But I don't know．’Afterwards she was angry with herself． She had spoken too seriously to him， as if he were involved in her staying or leaving． In the evening after milking she walked in the garden alone， thinking about it．

It was a typical summer evening in June． The air was delicate and there was a complete， absolute silence． It was broken by the sound of a harp． The notes floated in the still air， strong and clear． Tess listened like a fascinated bird． She drew near to Clare， who still had not seen her． She was conscious of neither time nor space． The tune moved through her mind and body， bringing tears to her eyes． The waves of colour of the wild flowers mixed with the waves of sound．Angel finished playing， and caught sight of her． She blushed and moved away．

‘Why are you going， Tess？’he asked．‘Are you afraid？’

‘Oh no， sir， not of outdoor things．’

‘But indoors？’

‘Well， yes， sir．’

‘Life in general？’

‘Yes，sir．’

‘Ah， so am I，very often． Being alive is rather serious，don't you think so？’

‘It is， now you put it like that．’

‘All the same， I wouldn't expect a young girl like you to feel that． Why？ Come， tell me．’

After a moment's hesitation she answered，‘The trees ask questions with their eyes， don't they？ And you seem to see hundreds of tomorrows all in a line，the first big and clear， the others getting smaller． But they all look fierce and cruel． But you can drive away all these ideas with your music， sir！’

He was surprised to find that this dairymaid had such sad thoughts． She was expressing in her own words the ache of modern life． This sadness made her more interesting to him．He did not know that her experience had given her great strength of feeling． Tess， on the other hand， could not understand why a man of religious family， good education and financial independence should feel sorry to be alive． How could this admirable and poetic man have felt， as she did two or three years ago， that he would rather die？ It was true that he was not at present living among gentlemen． But he was studying what he wanted to know， and would become a rich farmer in time． So，as they neither understood each other's secrets， they were both puzzled and waited to find out more．

At first Tess regarded Angel as an intelligence rather than a man． She became quite depressed as she realized the distance between her own knowledge and his． One day he asked her why she looked so sad．

‘Oh， it's only that I feel I've been wasting my life！ When I see what you know， I feel what a nothing I am！’

‘Well， my dear Tess，’ said Angel with some enthusiasm，‘I shall be only too glad to help you study history， for example…’

‘I don't know． What's the use of learning that I'm one of a long row， and that my past and future are like thousands of other people's？ But there's one thing I'd like to know—why the sun shines on the good and the bad just the same，’ she said， her voice trembling．

‘Oh，Tess，don't be bitter！’Of course he had wondered this himself in the past． But as he looked at her innocent lips， he thought this pure child of nature could only have picked up the question from others． She could not possibly have any guilt in her past．

When he had gone， Tess felt again how stupid she must appear to him．She wondered whether she could gain his respect by telling him of her d’Urberville blood． She first asked the dairyman if Mr Clare was interested in old families who had lost their money and land．

‘No，’said Mr Crick firmly． ‘He's a rebel， and the one thing he hates is an old family．’After hearing this not very accurate view of Clare's opinions， poor Tess was glad she had not mentioned her ancestors．

That summer， Tess and Clare unconsciously studied each other， balanced on the edge of a passion， yet just keeping out of it． But all the time， like two streams in a valley， they were destined to join．Tess had never been so happy as she was now， and perhaps never would be so again． They met continually．They could not help it．They met daily in the half-light， at three o’clock in the morning， just before milking． They felt they were the first two up in the whole world， like Adam and Eve． Tess seemed like a queen to Clare， perhaps because he knew that she was the most beautiful woman walking about at this time of day． Lovely women are usually asleep at midsummer sunrise． But Tess was near， and the rest were nowhere． In the strange light she was no longer a milkmaid， but a vision of woman， the whole of womanhood in one form．

One day just after breakfast they all gathered in the milkhouse． The milk was turning in the churn， but the butter would not come．Dairyman Crick was worried．

‘Maybe someone in the house is in love，’suggestea his wife．‘That sometimes causes it． D’you remember that maid years ago， and the butter didn't come…？’

‘Ah yes， but that wasn't being in love，’replied Mr Crick．‘That was damage to the churn．’He turned to Clare to tell the story．

‘Jack Dollop， one of our milkers， got a girl into trouble．One day her mother came looking for him with a great heavy umbrella in her hand．Jack hid in the churn，but she found him and turned it round and round．“ Stop，stop！” cried Jack．“If you promise to marry my daughter！”shouted the mother．And so he did．’

Tess， very pale， had gone to the door for some fresh air．Fortunately the butter suddenly came． But Tess remained depressed all afternoon．To the others the story was funny．She alone could see the sorrow in it， and it reminded her of her experience．

Tess was first in bed that night， and was half asleep as the other girls undressed． She saw them standing at the window looking at someone in the garden with great interest．

‘It's no use you being in love with him any more than me，Retty Priddle，’ said Marian， the eldest．

‘There he is again！’cried lzz Huett， a pale girl with dark hair．‘ I would just marry him tomorrow if he asked me，’said Marian， blushing．

‘So would I， and more，’murmured Izz．

‘And I too，’whispered Retty shyly．

‘We can't all marry him，’said Izz．

‘We can't anyway，’said Marian．‘He likes Tess Durbeyfield best． I've watched him every day and found it out．’

There was a thoughtful silence．

‘How silly this all is！’said Izz impatiently． ‘He's a gentleman's son． He won't marry any of us or Tess either！’They all sighed， and crept into their beds， and fell asleep． But Tess， with her deeper feelings， could not sleep． She knew Angel Clare preferred her to the others． She was more attractive， better educated and more womanly． She could keep his affection for her． But should she？ Perhaps the others should have a chance of attracting his attention， and even of marrying him．She had heard from Mrs Crick that Mr Clare had spoken of marrying a country girl to help him farm， milk cows and reap corn．Tess had promised herself she would never marry and would never be tempted to do so． She ought to leave the field open for the other girls．

Next morning Dairyman Crick sent all the dairy people out into a field to search for garlic plants． One bite by one cow was enough to make the whole day's butter taste of garlic．It was not by accident that Clare walked next to Tess．

‘Don't they look pretty？’she said to him．

‘Who？’

‘Izzy Huett and Retty．’She had decided that either would make a good farmer's wife．

‘Pretty？ Well， yes， I have often thought so．

‘They are excellent dairywomen．

‘Yes，though not better than you．’Clare observed them．

‘She is blushing，’continued Tess bravely，‘because you are looking at her．’She could hardly say‘Marry one of them if you really don't want a fine lady！ Don't think of marrying me！’From now on she tried to avoid spending time with Angel． She gave the other three every chance．

■ 10

奶場主克里克堅持讓所有奶場的工人每天擠不同的奶牛，而不是隻擠他們最喜歡的那幾頭。他擔心一旦哪個擠奶女工離開奶場後，她的奶牛會不喜歡被一個陌生人擠奶。然而，苔絲漸漸發現，分配給她的奶牛碰巧總是她最喜歡的幾頭。這讓她擠起來更加輕鬆。但她很快發現這不是什麼湊巧的事兒，因為是安吉爾·克萊爾分派待擠的奶牛。

“克萊爾先生，你總是把我最喜歡的奶牛分給我！”一天早上，她紅著臉指責他說。

“啊，這不要緊，”他說，“你反正會總在這兒擠它們的。”

“你這麼以為嗎？我希望如此，但我不知道。”說完之後，她對自己有些惱火。她剛才對他說話時太嚴肅了，好像把他牽扯進了她的去留問題。傍晚擠完奶後，她獨自到園子裡漫步，心裡還想著這件事。

這是6月間一個典型的夏日傍晚。空氣柔和清新，四周靜悄悄的，沒有一絲聲響。這份靜謐被一陣豎琴聲劃破了。旋律在靜止的空氣中流動著，清晰有力。苔絲就像一隻著了魔的鳥兒一般傾聽著。她走近克萊爾，但克萊爾仍沒注意到她。這時，苔絲心中已沒有了時間和空間的感覺。這旋律流進了她的心田，流遍了她的全身，令她熱淚盈眶。野花的各種色彩搖擺著，與音樂聲的波動混合在一起。一曲終了，安吉爾看見了她。她臉刷地紅了，趕緊走開了。

“為什麼要走開呢，苔絲？”他問，“是害怕嗎？”

“噢，不是的，先生，不是怕野外的東西。”

“那麼，是屋裡的什麼嘍？”

“嗯，是的，先生。”

“概括地說，是人生？”

“是的，先生。”

“啊，我也害怕這個，常常害怕。生活是相當嚴酷的，你是不是這樣認為？”

“是吧，既然你這麼說了。”

“雖然如此，我還是沒有料到一個像你這樣的年輕姑娘會有這種感覺，為什麼？來，跟我說說吧。”

她躊躇了一會兒，回答道：“這些樹都長著眼睛，它們用眼睛問問題，是不是？你彷彿看見許許多多的明天全都排成一行。最先的這個明天是最大、最清晰的，而後面的那些就變得越來越小了。但是，它們看起來都那麼凶暴、殘酷。不過你可以用你的音樂把所有這些想法都驅散，先生！”

他吃驚地發現這個擠奶女工竟如此地愁緒滿懷。她用自己的話表達著現代生活的痛苦。這種憂鬱讓他更加關注她了。他並不知道她的經歷給予了她如此強烈的感受。而另一方面，苔絲也不明白為什麼像他這樣一個出身於宗教家庭、受過良好教育、經濟獨立的人會對生活感到不幸。像他這樣令人羨慕、才華橫溢的人，怎麼可能與她在兩三年前感覺的一樣，情願死去呢？他目前並沒有生活在紳士們當中，這是事實，但是他正在學習他想要了解的知識，而且很快，他就會成為一個有錢的農場主的。正因為他們對彼此的內心世界都不瞭解，他們才都感到迷惑，並期待著進一步瞭解對方。

起初，苔絲把安吉爾·克萊爾看成是智慧的化身，而不是一個凡人。當她發現自己的知識和他的相比存在著如此之大的差距時，她感到非常抑鬱。有一天他問她，為什麼她看起來悶悶不樂。

“哦，這只是因為我感到自己一直在浪費自己的生命！當我瞭解到你所懂的知識，我覺得自己真是太渺小了！”

“噢，親愛的苔絲，”安吉爾充滿熱情地說道，“我非常樂意教你，比如說，歷史……”

“我不知道。學習又有什麼用呢？我只不過是長長一列隊伍中的一員，自己的過去和未來與成千上萬個別人沒有什麼區別。但是有一件事我想要弄清楚——為什麼太陽一視同仁地照在好人和壞人身上呢？”她說道，聲音有些顫抖。

“哦，苔絲，不要這麼憤世嫉俗！”他自己過去對此也困惑不解過。但是當他看到她那天真無邪的嘴脣時，他認為這個大自然的純潔的孩子只不過從別人那裡得到了這個問題。在她的過去，是不可能有什麼罪孽的。

當他離開以後，苔絲又覺得自己在他面前一定表現得十分愚蠢可笑。她在考慮如果告訴他自己的德伯家血統，是否會贏得他的尊敬。她先到奶場主那兒打聽克萊爾先生是否會對一個失去了財富和土地的古老家族有好感。

“不，”克里克先生肯定地說，“他是一個叛逆者，他痛恨古老的家族。”聽完這番對克萊爾的觀點並不十分準確的見解，苔絲慶幸自己沒有提起她的祖先們。

那個夏天，苔絲和克萊爾都在無意中探究著對方，在感情的邊緣徘徊，並試圖避免陷入其中。但是在這整段時間裡，他們就像山谷中的兩條溪流，終究是要匯合在一起的。苔絲從來沒有像現在這樣快樂過，也許將來也不會再有。他們頻頻相會，一天不見面心裡就受不了。每天凌晨3點鐘，在開始擠奶之前，天還沒有全亮呢，他們就在一起了。他們覺得自己是整個世界上起得最早的一對，就如同亞當和夏娃。在克萊爾眼裡，苔絲就像一個王后，也許是因為他知道她是一天中在這個時候走動的最美麗的女人。漂亮可愛的女人在盛夏太陽初升時，通常還在睡覺。但是苔絲就在身邊，其他人卻了無影蹤。在這種特別的光線中，她不再是一個擠奶女工，而是一個女人的幻象，她集所有女性氣質於一身。

一天，剛剛吃過早飯，他們都聚集到牛奶貯藏室裡。牛奶倒進了黃油製造器，但是黃油卻出不來。奶場主克里克很焦急。

“也許房子裡有人戀愛了。”他的妻子提示道，“這種事情有時會導致這種後果的。你還記得多年以前的那個女工嗎？那一次黃油就出不來……”

“哦，想起來了，但那不是戀愛。”克里克先生回答道。“那是把機器搞壞了。”他轉向克萊爾講起了這個故事。

“我們的一個牛奶工，傑克·多洛，讓一個女孩子出了麻煩。一天，姑娘的母親手裡拿著一把又大又重的雨傘找他來了。傑克就藏到黃油機裡去了，但她發現了，就一圈一圈地轉機器。‘停下，停下！’傑克哭叫道。‘如果你答應跟我女兒結婚的話！’母親喊道。於是他跟她女兒結婚了。”

苔絲面色慘白地走到了門口，她需要一些新鮮空氣。幸好，黃油突然出來了。但是，那一下午苔絲都鬱鬱寡歡。對其他人來說，故事只是好笑而已，而她卻獨自體會到了其中的悲傷，這讓她重新想起了她的遭遇。

那晚，苔絲第一個上床睡覺了。當別的姑娘們在脫衣服時，她已經快要睡著了。她發現她們站在窗前，興致勃勃地看著園子裡的某個人。

“蕾蒂·普里德爾，你愛上他也沒有用，這一點跟我一樣，”年齡最大的瑪麗安說道。

“他又來啦！”伊茨·休愛特叫道，她是一個皮膚白、頭髮黑的姑娘。

“如果他向我求婚的話，我願意明天就嫁給他。”瑪麗安紅著臉說道。

“我也是，而且更願意。”伊茨輕輕說道。

“我也願意，”蕾蒂羞澀地細聲說。

“我們不能都嫁給他。”伊茨說。

“我們都不可能，”瑪麗安說道，“他喜歡苔絲·德北。我一直天天觀察他，我看出來的。”

大家都默不作聲地想著什麼。

“這一切都太可笑了！”伊茨忍不住說道，“他是個紳士的兒子，他是不會娶我們中間任何一個的，包括苔絲在內！”一陣嘆息之後，她們都爬上床，睡著了。但是苔絲，懷著更深的感情，卻無法入睡了。她知道，安吉爾·克萊爾喜歡她勝過其他姑娘。她更富有魅力，更有教養也更有女人味兒。她可以讓他繼續對她懷有愛慕之情。但是，她應該嗎？也許其他人也應該有機會吸引他的注意，甚至與他結婚。她曾從克里剋夫人那兒聽說，克萊爾先生說起過要娶一個鄉下姑娘幫他經營農場，擠牛奶、割莊稼什麼的。苔絲曾向自己保證過，永遠不結婚，也永遠不被人引誘結婚。她應該敞開這塊天地，把機會留給別的姑娘們。

第二天早上，奶場主克里克派全奶場的人到地裡尋找大蒜類的植物。只要有一頭牛咬了一口這種東西，就足以使一天的黃油都帶上一股蒜味。克萊爾走在苔絲的旁邊，這絕非偶然。

“她們看起來很漂亮，不是嗎？”苔絲對他說。

“誰？”

“伊茨·休愛特和蕾蒂。”她覺得她們無論哪一個都能成為一名稱職的農場主夫人。

“你說漂亮？噢，是的，我一直這麼覺得。”

“她們是很出色的擠奶女工。”

“是啊，儘管沒有你出色。”克萊爾觀察著她們。

“她臉紅了。”苔絲鼓足了勇氣繼續說道，“因為你在看著她。”她差點要說：“跟她們中的一個結婚吧，如果你真地不想娶一個高貴小姐的話！不要考慮跟我結婚！”從現在起，她就盡力避免和安吉爾在一起。她把每一個機會都留給了另外三個姑娘。