# ■ 20 A new home

I spent a month at Moor House，in an atmosphere of warm friendship．I learned to love what Diana and Mary loved the little old grey house，the wild open moors around it，and the lonely hills and valleys where we walked for hours．I read the books they read，and we discussed them eagerly Diana started teaching me German，and I helped Mary to improve her drawing．We three shared the same interests and opinions，and spent the days and evenings very happily together．

However，St John hardly ever joined in our activities．He was often away from home，visiting the poor and the sick in Morton．His strong sense of duty made him insist on going，even if the weather was very bad．But despite his hard work I thought he lacked true happiness and peace of mind．He often stopped reading or writing to stare into the distance，dreaming perhaps of some ambitious plan．Once I heard him speak at a church service in Morton，and although he was an excellent speaker，there was a certain bitterness and disappointment in his words．He was clearly not satisfied with his present life．

The holiday was coming to an end．Soon Diana and Mary would leave Moor House to return to the wealthy families in the south，where they were both governesses，and St John would go back to the vicar's house in Morton，with Hannah，his housekeeper．Although，his cold manner made it difficult for me to talk to him，I had to ask him whether he had found any employment for me．

I have，'he answered slowly，'but remember I am only a poor country vicar，and can't offer you a job with a high salary，so you may not wish to accept it．There's already a school for boys in Morton，and now I want to open one for girls，so I've rented a building for it it，with a small small cottage for the schoolteacher．Miss Oliver，who lives in the area and is the only daughter of a rich factory-owner，has kindly paid for the furniture．Will you be the schoolteacher？You would live in the cottage rent-free，and receive thirty pounds a year，no more．

I thought about it for a moment．It was not as good as being a governess in an important family，but at least I would have no master．I would be free and independent．

Thank you，Mr Rivers，I accept gladly，'I replied．

But you do understand？'he asked，a little worried．'It will only be a village school．The girls will be poor and uneducated．You'll be teaching reading，writing，counting，sewing，that's all．There'll be no music or languages or painting．'

I understand，and I'll be happy to do it，'I answered．

He smiled，well satisfied with me．

And I'll open the school tomorrow，if you like，'I added．

Very good，'he agreed．Then looking at me，he said，'But 214

I don't think you'll stay long in the village．'

Why not？I'm not ambitious，although I think you are．'

He looked surprised．'I know I am，but how did you discover that？No，I think you won't be satisfied by living alone．You need people to make you happy．'He said no more．

Diana and Mary lost their usual cheerfulness as the moment for leaving their home and their brother came closer．

You see，Jane，'Diana explained，'St John is planning to become a missionary very soon．He feels his purpose in life is to spread the Christian religion in unexplored places where the people have never heard the word of God．So we won't see him for many years，perhaps never again！He looks quiet，Jane，but he's very determined．I know he's doing God's work，but it will break my heart to see him leave！'And she broke down in tears．

Mary wiped her own tears away，as she said，'We've lost our father．Soon we'll lose our brother too！'

Just then St John himself entered，reading a letter．'Our uncle John is dead，'he announced．The sisters did not look shocked or sad，but seemed to be waiting for more information．St John gave them the letter to read，and then they all looked at each other，smiling rather tiredly．

Well，'said Diana，'at least we have enough money to live on．We don't really need any more．'

Yes，'said St John，'but unfortunately we can imagine 216

how different our lives might have been．'He went out．There was a silence for a few minutes，then Diana turned to me，

Jane，you must be surprised that we don't show any sadness at our uncle's death．I must explain．We've never met him．He was my mother's brother，and he and my father quarrelled years ago about a business deal．That's when my father lost most of his money．My uncle，on the other hand，made a fortune of twenty thousand pounds，As he never married and had no relations apart from us and one other person，my father always hoped we would inherit uncle John's money．But it seems this other relation has inherited his whole fortune．Of course we shouldn't have expected anything，but Mary and I would have felt rich with only a thousand pounds each，and St John would have been able to help more poor people！'She said no more，and none of us referred to the subject again that evening．

The next day the Rivers family returned to their separate places of work，and I moved to the cottage in Morton．

■ 20 一個新家

在摩爾屋，我在溫暖的友情中度過了一個月。我開始喜歡戴安娜以及瑪麗所喜歡的——這個小小的灰色老屋，周圍的開闊草地，孤零零的山丘和河谷，我們常去那裡散步，一去便是幾個鐘頭。我讀她們讀的書，然後大家一起熱烈地討論。戴安娜開始教我德文，我則幫助瑪麗提高她的素描。我們三人有共同的興趣和一致的想法，白天晚上都高高興興地待在一起。

但是，聖約翰卻很少參加我們的活動。他常常出門，去看望莫頓的窮人和病人。他強烈的責任心使他即使在天氣惡劣的時候也一定要去。然而儘管他工作很努力，我仍覺得他缺少真正的幸福和安寧的心緒。他常常停止讀書或寫作，呆呆地盯著遠處，可能夢想著什麼宏偉的計劃。一次我聽到他在莫頓的教堂里布道，儘管他很有口才，我卻聽出他話語中的某種痛苦和失望。他顯然不滿足於現在的生活。

假期要結束了。不久戴安娜和瑪麗都要離開摩爾屋，回到南方的富人家，繼續做家庭教師。聖約翰要帶著管家漢娜回到以莫頓的牧師的身份住的屋裡去。儘管他舉止冷漠，讓我很難與他搭話，我還是得問他是否為我找到了工作。

“找到了。”他慢慢地說。“但不要忘了我只是個鄉下的窮牧師，不可能給你一份薪水高的工作，所以你可能不願接受。在莫頓已有一所男孩子上的學校，現在我想為女孩子辦所學校。因此我已租好了校舍，其中有教師住的小房於。奧利弗小姐住在這一帶，是一個富裕的工廠主的女兒，她好心買來了傢俱。你能做教師嗎？你可以免費住在小房子裡，每年可得30鎊，不會更多。”

我考慮了一會兒。和在大家庭中做家庭教師相比，這不算好，但至少我沒有什麼主人了，我是自由和自立的。

“謝謝，李維斯先生，我很樂意接受。”我說。

“但是你明白嗎？”他有些擔心地問。“這只是一所鄉村小學。女孩子們很窮，沒有受過教育。你要同時教閱讀、寫作、算術和縫紉。沒有音樂、語言或繪畫課。”

“我明白，我樂意做。”我答道。

他微笑著，對我非常滿意。

“如果你願意，我明天就開學。”我補充道。

“很好。”他應和著，然後看著我說：“但我覺得你在村裡不會久留的。”

“為什麼呢？我沒有什麼雄心壯志，不過我覺得你有。”

他看上去很吃驚。“我知道我有，可你是怎麼發現的？不，我覺得你不會滿足於孤獨的生活，你需要別人給你帶來快樂。”他沒再說什麼。

隨著離家和離開哥哥的日子一天天臨近，戴安娜和瑪麗漸漸失去了平日的歡樂。

“簡，你知道，”戴安娜解釋道。“聖約翰計劃不久去做傳教士。他認為自己生命的意義在於把基督教傳播到人們從未聽說過上帝之言的蠻荒之地去。所以我們好幾年都將見不到他，甚至可能再也見不到了。簡，他看上去文靜，但卻很堅定。我知道他為上帝工作，但看他離去讓我心都碎了。”她哭了出來。

瑪麗擦著自己的眼淚，說：“我們失去了父親，不久又要失去哥哥！”

正在這時聖約翰讀著一封信走了進來，“咱們的舅舅約翰去世了。”他宣佈說。兩姊妹看上去既不吃驚也不悲傷，卻似乎在等著什麼下文。聖約翰把信遞給她們看，然後她們相互對視一眼，疲倦地笑了。

“好了，”戴安娜說，“至少我們有足夠的錢生活下去。我們真的不需要那麼多。”

“是的。”聖約翰說。“但不幸的是我們能想像出我們的生活是多麼不一樣。”他出去了。沉默了幾分鐘後，戴安娜對我說：“簡，我們對舅舅的死顯不出一點兒悲哀，你不必驚訝。我必須解釋一下。我們從未見過他。他是我母親的一個兄弟，多年前他和我父親因為生意上的事大吵了一場。那時我父親虧了很多錢，而我舅舅卻發了財，賺了20 000英鎊。他從未結婚，除我們和另一個人之外也沒有親戚，我父親一直希望我們能繼承約翰舅舅的財產。但是似乎另一個人已繼承了他的全部遺產。當然我們本不該指望什麼，但如果每人有1 000英鎊，瑪麗和我就會覺得很富裕了，聖約翰也能幫助更多的窮人了。”她沒有再說下去，那天晚上誰也沒再提起此事。

第二天，李維斯一家各自回到不同的工作地點，而我則搬到莫頓的小屋子去了。