# ■ 8 Getting to know Mr Rochester

Thornfield Hall became quite busy the next day，now that the master had returned．People kept coming to visit him on business．I enjoyed the new，cheerful atmosphere．But I could not make Adele concentrate on her lessons because she was constantly talking about the presents Mr Rochester had promised to bring her．That evening we were invited to have tea with him． I immediately recognized the traveller I had helped，with his dark hair and skin，his square forehead and his stern look．His leg was supported on a chair，but he made no effort to greet me when I entered．In fact，he neither spoke nor moved．

Have you brought a present for Miss Eyre with you as well？'Adele asked him．

A present？Who wants a present？'he said angrily．'Did you expect a present，Miss Eyer？Do you like presents？'

I haven't much experience of them，sir，'I answered．'Anyway，I have no right to expect a present，as I haven't done anything to deserve one．'

Don't be so modest！I've been talking to Adele．She's not very clever，but you've taught her well．'

Sir，that is my present．That's what a teacher wants most，praise of her pupil's progress．'

Mr Rochester drank his tea in silence After tea，he called me closer to the fire， while Adèle played with Mrs Fairfax．

Where were you before you came here？'he asked．

I was at Lowood school，sir，for eight years．'

Ah，yes，a charity school！Eight years！I'm surprised you lasted so long in such a place．There is something like magic in your face．When I met you on the road to Hay last night，I almost thought you had put a spell on my horse！I still wonder if you did．What about your parents？'

They're dead．I don't remember them．'

And your relations？'

I have none．'

Who recommended you to come here？'

I advertised，and Mrs Fairfax answered the advertise－ment．'

Yes，'said the old housekeeper，'and I thank God she did．She's a good teacher for Adèle，and a kind friend to me．'

Don't try to give her a good character，Mrs Fairfax，'said Mr Rochester sternly．'She and her magic made my horse slip on the ice last night．'

Mrs Fairfax looked puzzled and clearly did not understand．

Miss Eyre，'continued Mr Rochester，'how old were you when you started at Lowood？'

About ten．'

And you stayed there eight years，so you are now eighteen？'I nodded．'I would never have been able to guess your age，'he went on．'Now，what did you learn there？Can you play the piano？'

A little．'

of course，that's what all young women say．Go and play a tune on the piano in the library．'I did as he asked．

That's enough！'he called after a few minutes．'Yes，you do indeed play a ittle，just like any schoolgirl， better than some perhaps．Now，bring me your sketches．'I fetched them from my room Having looked carefully at them， he chose three．

These are interesting，'he said．'You have only expressed the shadow of your ideas，because you aren't good enough at drawing or painting，but the ideas，where did they come from？Who taught you to draw wind，and space，and feeling？But put them away now，Miss Eyre．Do you realize it's nine o'clock？ Adèle should be in bed by now． Good night to you all．'Mr Rochester's mood had suddenly changed，and he clearly wished to be alone．

Later tha evening I talked to Mrs Fairfax． 'You said Mr Rochester was a little peculiar，'I said． 'Well， what do you think，Miss Eyre？' 'I think he is very peculiar，and quite rude．' 'He may seem like that to a stranger．I'm so used to him that I never notice it．And he has had family troubles，you know．'

But he has no family，'I answered．

Not now，that's true，but he did have an older brother，who died nine years ago．'

Nine years is a long time．Surely he has recovered from losing his brother by now．'

Well，there was a lot of bad feeling in the family．The father was very fond of money，and wanted to keep the family property together，so the elder brother inherited most of it．I don't know what happened，but I do know Mr Edward（that's the master）quarrelled with his family．That's why he's travelled so much．When his brother died，he inherited Thornfield，but I'm not surprised he doesn't come here often．'

Why should he stay away？'I asked，surprised．

Perhaps he thinks it's a sad place．I really don't know．'It was clear that Mrs Fairfax would not tell me any more．

One evening，a few days later，I was invited to talk to Mr Rochester after dinner．At the far end of the room Adèle was delightedly telling Mrs Fairfax about the presents she had received． Mr Rochester called me closer to the fire．

I don't like the conversation of children or old ladies，'he murmured to me．'But they are entertaining each other at the moment，so I can amuse myself．'Tonight he did not look so stern，and there was a softness in his fine，dark eyes．As I was looking at him，he suddenly turned and caught my look．

Do you think I'm handsome，Miss Eyre？'he asked．

Normally I would have taken time to think，and said something polite，but somehow I answered at once，'No，sir．'

Ah，you really are unusual！You are a quiet，serious little person，but you can be almost rude．'

Sir，I'm sorry．I should have said that beauty doesn't matter，or something like that．'

No，you shouldn't！I see，you criticize my appearance，and then you stab me in the back！ All right，tell me． What is wrong with my appearance？'

Mr Rochester，I didn't intend to criticize you．'

Well，now you can Look at my head．Do you think I am intelligent？'He pointed to his huge，square forehead．

I do，sir．Is it rude to ask if you are also good？'

Stabbing me again！Just because I said I didn't like talking to old ladies and children！Well，young lady，I wanted to be good when I was younger，but life has been a struggle for me，and I've become as hard and tough as a rubber ball． I only have a little goodness left inside．'He was speaking rather excitedly，and I thought perhaps he had been drinking．'Miss Eyre，you look puzzled．Tonight I want conversation．It's your turn．Speak．'

I said nothing，but smiled coldly．

I'm sorry if I'm rude，Miss Eyre．But I'm twenty years older，and more experienced，than you．Don't you think I have the right to command you？'

No，sir，not just because you're older and more experienced than me．You would have the right only if you'd made good use of your experience of life．'

I don't accept that，as I've made very bad use of my experience！But will you agree to obey my orders anyway？'

I thought，'He is peculiar，he's forgotten that he's paying me ￡ 30 a year to obey his orders，'and I said，'Not many masters bother to ask if their servants are offended by their orders．'

Of course！I'd forgotten that I pay you a salary！So will you agree because of the salary？'

No， sir，not because of that，but because you forgot about it，and because you care whether a servant of yours is comfortable or not，I gladly agree．'

You have honesty and feeling．There are not many girls like you．But perhaps I go too fast．Perhaps you have awful faults to counterbalance your few good points．'

And perhaps you have too，'I thought．

He seemed to read my mind，and said quickly，'Yes，you're right．I have plenty of faults．I went the wrong way when I was twenty－one，and have never found the right path again．I might have been very different．I might have been as good as you，and perhaps wiser．I am not a bad man，take my word for it，but I have done wrong．It wasn't my character，but circumstances which were to blame．Why do I tell you all this？Because you're the sort of person people tell their problems and secrets to，because you're sympathetic and give them hope．'

Do you think so，sir？'

I do．You see，when life was difficult，I became desperate，and now all I have is regret．'

Asking forgiveness might cure it，sir．'

No，it won't．What I really should do is change my character，and I still could but—it's difficult．And if I can't have happiness，I want pleasure，even if it's wrong．'

Pleasure may taste bitter，sir．'

How do you know，a pure young thing like you？You have no experience of life and its problems．But I will try to lead a better life．'

I stood up．The conversation was becoming hard to follow．

I must put Adèle to bed now，'I said．

Don't be afraid of me，Miss Eyre．You don't relax or laugh very much，perhaps because of the effect Lowood school has had on you．But in time you will be more natural with me，and laugh，and speak freely．You're like a restless bird in a cage．When you get out of the cage，you'll fly very high．Good night．'

■ 8 認識羅切斯特先生

第二天，特恩費得因為主人的返回而忙碌起來，不斷有人來跟他談事情，我喜歡這種歡快的新氣氛。但是我沒辦法讓阿黛拉專心上課，因為她總是喋喋不休地說著羅切斯特答應送給她的禮物。晚上，我們被邀請去和他一起喝茶。我一眼就認出了那黑頭髮、黑皮膚、寬闊的前額和嚴肅的表情，他正是我幫助過的旅行者。他的腿搭在椅子上，但當我進門時，他根本沒有打招呼的表示。實際上，他既沒說話，也沒動一動。

“你也給愛小姐帶禮物了嗎？”阿黛拉問。

“禮物？誰要禮物？”他生氣地說。“愛小姐，你想要禮物嗎？你喜歡禮物嗎？”

“先生，這東西我接觸得不多。”我答道。“無論怎樣，我無權想得到禮物，因為我沒有做什麼可以贏得禮物。”

“別太謙虛了。我已經和阿黛拉談過。她不是很聰明，但你教得不錯。”

“先生，這就是我的禮物。表揚學生的進步，就是老師最想得到的。”

羅切斯特先生靜靜地喝著茶。茶喝完後，阿黛拉和費爾法斯太太玩著，羅切斯特先生叫我離火近些。

“來這兒之前你在哪裡？”他問。

“先生，我在洛伍德生活了八年。”

“啊，是的，一所慈善學校！八年！你在那種地方堅持了這麼久，真讓我吃驚。你的臉上有種魔力。昨天晚上我在去海依的路上碰到你時，我差點以為你對我的馬唸了咒！我還在琢磨你是不是念了咒。你的父母呢？”

“他們死了，我不記得他們了。”

“你的親戚呢？”

“我沒有親戚。”

“誰讓你來這兒的？”

“我登了廣告，費爾法斯太太給了回話。”

“是的，”老管家說，“謝天謝地她登了廣告。她不僅是阿黛拉的好老師，也是我的好朋友。”

“別把她說得那麼好。”羅切斯特繃著臉說。“昨天晚上她和她的魔法讓我的馬摔倒在冰上了。”

費爾法斯太太看上去稀裡糊塗，顯然沒搞清是什麼意思。

羅切斯特先生接著說：“愛小姐，你剛去洛伍德時幾歲了？”

“大約10歲。”

“你在那兒待了八年，那麼現在18了？”我點點頭。他又說：“我永遠猜不出你的年齡。好，你在那兒都學了些什麼？會彈鋼琴嗎？”

“會一點兒。”

“當然啦，所有的年輕女人都這麼說。到書房去彈個曲子。”我照他說的做了。

“夠了！”幾分鐘後他喊道。“是的，你的確只會一點兒，和其他女學生一模一樣，可能比有的還彈得好一點兒。現在把你的素描拿來看看。”我從房間把畫取來，他仔細看了看，挑出了三張。

“很有意思。”他說。“你只是表達了你的想法的影子，因為你不善繪畫，可是這些想法，都是從哪兒來的？誰教你畫風、畫空間、畫情感的？不過，收起來吧，愛小姐。你知道已經9點鐘了嗎？阿黛拉該上床了。各位晚安。”羅切斯特先生的情緒忽然變了，他顯然想單獨待著。

那天晚上，我後來和費爾法斯太太聊起來。

“你說過羅切斯特先生有點怪。”我說。

“那麼，你認為呢，愛小姐？”

“我覺得他很怪，而且相當粗野。”

“對陌生人來說他似乎是這樣的。我太習慣他了，從來不覺得。你知道，他曾有過家庭問題。”

“可是他沒家呀。”我答道。

“的確，現在是沒有。但他曾有過一個哥哥，九年前去世的。”

“九年已經很久了。現在他肯定已經從失去哥哥的痛苦中恢復過來了。”

“唉，他家裡感情不好。父親非常貪財，希望把家族的產業守在一起，因此老大繼承了大部分產業。我不知出了什麼事，但我知道愛德華先生（就是主人）曾和他的家人吵過架，這就是為什麼他常常出遊。他哥哥死後，他繼承了特恩費得，但他不常回來，我並不感到奇怪。”

“他為什麼要離開呢？”我驚訝地問。

“也許他覺得這是個傷心的地方，我真是不清楚。”顯然，費爾法斯太太不會再跟我多說了。

幾天後的一個晚上，我被邀請在晚飯後和羅切斯特先生談話。在房間的一角，阿黛拉正興致勃勃地向費爾法斯太太講述她得到的禮物。羅切斯特先生讓我離火近些。

“我不喜歡小孩子和老太太的對話。”他悄悄對我說。“可是她們正互相逗趣，我自己也可以找點樂。”今晚他看上去沒有那麼嚴肅了，他漂亮的黑眼睛裡透著溫柔。我正看著，他突然轉過身來，碰到了我的目光。

“你認為我英俊嗎，愛小姐？”他問。

一般來說，我會稍微想一想，然後說點客氣話，可是現在我卻脫口而出：“不，先

“啊，你可真不一般！你是個安靜、嚴肅的小人兒，不過你也可以變得幾乎粗魯。”

“先生，對不起。我應該說美麗並不重要，或是類似的話。”

“不，你不應該！我明白了，你批評了我的外表，還要從背後再捅上一刀！好吧，告訴我，我長得有什麼不妥嗎？”

“羅切斯特先生，我沒有批評您的意思。”

“好吧，現在你批評吧。看著我的頭，你覺得我聰明嗎？”他指著自己寬大的前額。

“是的，先生。如果問您是不是好人，會不禮貌嗎？”

“你又捅刀子！就因為我說不喜歡跟老太太和小孩講話！好吧，年輕的姑娘，我年輕時想做個好人，但生活對我來說是一場鬥爭，我已經變得和橡膠球一樣堅韌了。我只在心底還存著一點好意。”他說得很激動，我想也許他喝酒了。“愛小姐，你看上去有些糊塗。今晚我要的是交談，輪到你了，說話吧。”

我沒說什麼，只是冷冷地笑著。

“愛小姐，如果我太粗魯了，我道歉。但我比你年長20歲，更有閱歷。你不認為我有權命令你嗎？”

“不，先生。只因為您比我年長、閱歷豐富不行。只有您好好利用了你的生活經歷，您才有這個權力。”

“我不接受，因為我並沒有好好利用我的生活經歷。不過你能同意儘管如此還是服從我的命令嗎？”

我心想：“他是怪，他忘了他每年付給我30英鎊就是要我服從他的命令。”於是我說：“沒有那麼多主人會費心詢問他們的命令是否得罪了僕人。”

“當然！我忘了我付你薪水！那麼你會因為薪水服從嗎？”

“不，先生，不是因為薪水，而是因為您忘了薪水，還因為您關心您的一個僕人是否舒心，我願欣然從命。”

“你老實，有情感，像你這樣的女孩子很少見。不過也許我結論下得太快了，也許你有討厭的缺點來抵消你的好處。”

“你或許也有。”我心想。

他似乎知道我的心思，馬上說：“是的，你是對的。我有很多缺點。我21歲走錯了路，就再也沒找到正確的道了。我可能曾經和你一樣好，可能更聰明。我不是壞人，我向你保證，但我做了錯事。這不是我的性格，但環境才是罪魁。我為什麼要告訴你這一切？因為你是那種聽別人傾訴問題和祕密的人，因為你有同情心，給人以希望。”

“先生，您這樣認為嗎？”

“是的。你知道，生活艱難時，我變得絕望了，現在我只有滿腹的悔恨。”

“請求原諒或許可以醫治創傷，先生。”

“不，不會的。我真正要做的是改變我的個性，我還能做到，不過很難。如果我沒有幸福，我就尋歡，儘管那不對。”

“尋歡可能是苦澀的，先生。”

“你怎麼知道，你這麼個純潔的姑娘？你沒有生活經歷，不知道生活的艱難。但是我會努力過更好的生活。”

我站了起來，交談已難以繼續下去。

“我必須讓阿黛拉上床了。”我說。

“愛小姐，別怕我。你不放鬆，也很少笑，這可能是洛伍德對你的影響。但是到時候你會和我更自然地相處的，說說笑笑，自由地交談。你像籠中不安的小鳥，一旦走出籠子，就會遠走高飛。晚安。”