# ■ 7 Farmer Boldwood proposes marriage

On Saturday at Casterbridge market Boldwood saw the woman who was disturbing his dreams. For the first time he turned his head and looked at her. It was in fact the first time in his life that he had looked at any woman. Up to now he had considered women to be distant，almost foreign creatures who had nothing to do with him. Now he saw Bathsheba's hair，and every detail of her face. He noticed her figure，her dress，and even her feet. She seemed very beauti-ful to him，and his heart began to move within him. ‘And this woman，this lovely young woman，has asked me to marry her！’he thought. As he was watching Bathsheba selling wheat to another farmer，he was filled with jealousy.

All this time Bathsheba was aware of his eyes on her. At last she had made him look at her！But she would have pre－ferred him to admire her from the beginning，without the en- couragement of her valentine. She felt sorry she had disturbed the usual calmness of a man she respected，but considered she could not apologize to him without either offending or encour-aging him.

Mr Boldwood did not try to speak to her，and returned home to his farm. He was a man of strong feelings，which normally lay hidden deep inside him. Because he was serious，and did not joke with his neighbours，people thought he was cold But when he loved or hated，it was with his whole heart. If Bathsheba had known how strong the feelings of this dark and silent figure were，she would have blamed herself terribly for her thoughtlessness. But nobody guessed what lay behind his calm appearance.

A few days later Mr Boldwood was looking at Bathsheba's fields，which were next to his own，when he saw her helping Gabriel Oak with the sheep. To Boldwood，Bathsheba shone like the moon on a dark night. His heart，which had never been touched before，was filled completely with his love for her. He decided to go and speak to her.

As he stopped at the gate of the field，Bathsheba looked up and noticed him. Gabriel was watching her face and saw her blush. He immediately thought of the envelope，with the valentine，that Boldwood had shown him，and suspected Bathsheba of encouraging the farmer to fall in love with her.

Boldwood realized they had noticed him，and suddenly felt unsure of himself. He did not know enough about women to discover from Bathsheba's manner whether she wanted to see him or not. And so he did not enter the field，but walked on， past the gate.

Bathsheba，however，knew that he had come to see her， and felt extremely guilty. She promised herself never again to disturb the peace of this man's life. Unfortunately her promise was made too late，as such promises often are.

It was not until the end of May that Boldwood was brave enough to declare his love. He went to Bathsheba's house，where the maids told him their mistress was watching the sheep－washing. Every spring the sheep were washed in a spe－ cial pool，to keep their wool clean and to get rid of insects on their skin. Boldwood walked across the fields to the pool， where he found the farm workers busily washing the sheep.

Bathsheba was standing near them，and saw Boldwood com- ing towards her. She moved away，walking beside the river， but she could hear footsteps behind her in the grass，and felt love all around her，like perfume in the air Boldwood caught up with her.

‘Miss Everdene！’he said quietly.

She trembled，turned，and said，‘Good morning. ’She had guessed the truth from the way he spoke those two words.

‘I feel—almost too much to think， ’he said simply. ‘My life does not belong to me any more，Miss Everdene，but to you. I've come to propose marriage to you. ’

Bathsheba tried not to show any expression on her face.

‘I'm now forty-one，’he continued. ‘I've never married，or thought I ever would marry. But we all change，and I changed when I saw you. More than anything else，I want you as my wife. ’ ‘I think，Mr Boldwood，that although I respect you very much，I don't feel—enough for you—to accept your proposal. ’

‘But my life is worthless without you！’he cried，calm no longer. ‘I want you-to let me say I love you，again and again！’Bathsheba remained silent. ‘I think and hope you care enough for me to listen to what I have to say！’he added.

Bathsheba was about to ask why he should think that，when she remembered the valentine After all，it was quite natural for him to think she admired him.

‘I wish I could court you with beautiful words，’the farmer went on，‘but I can only say I love you madly and want you for my wife. I wouldn't have proposed if you hadn't allowed me to hope. ’

‘Mr Boldwood，this is difficult for me！I'm afraid I can't marry you. I'm not in love with you！I should never have sent that valentine—forgive me—it was a thoughtless thing to do. ’

‘No，no，don't say it was thoughtless！Say it was the beginning of a feeling that you would like me. Just consider whether you can accept me as a husband. I know I'm too old for you，but believe me， I'll take more care of you than a younger man would. You'll have nothing to worry about. You'll have everything you want. God only knows how much you mean to me！’

Bathsheba's young heart was full of pity for this sensitive man who had spoken so simply and honestly.

‘Don't say it，don't！You feel so much，and I feel nothing，’she replied. ‘Don't discuss it any more. I can't think！Oh，I've given you such pain！’

‘Tell me that you don't refuse completely. Give me some hope！May I ask you again？May I think of you？’

‘Yes，I suppose so. ’

‘May I hope you will accept my proposal next time？’

‘No，don't hope！I must go now. Give me time to think. ’

‘Yes，I'll give you time，’he answered gratefully. ‘Thank you，I'm happier now. ’

‘No，please，don't be happier，Mr Boldwood，if happiness only comes from my agreeing！I must think. ’

‘I'll wait，’he agreed. They turned away from each other， and returned to their separate houses.

■ 7 農場主伯德伍德求婚

星期六，在卡斯特橋的集市上，伯德伍德看到了那個攪亂了他的夢的女人。第一次他扭過頭來看她。實際上，這是他有生以來頭一次盯著看女人。到目前為止，他一直都把女人當作是遙遠的，甚至是陌生的、與他無關的生物。現在，他看到了芭絲謝芭的頭髮，看到了她臉上的每一處。他注意到了她的身材、她的穿著，甚至她的腳。在他看來她似乎是很美的，他的心開始跳動。“這個女人，這個漂亮、年輕的女人要我和他結婚！”他心想。當他看到芭絲謝芭把麥子賣給另一個農場主時，內心充滿嫉妒。

芭絲謝芭知道伯德伍德的眼睛一直在盯著自己。她終於使他開始看她了！不過，她更希望他從一開始就喜歡她，而不是由於情人卡的作用。她打擾了一個為她所尊敬的人的一慣的安寧，她為此感到內疚，可又覺得不能向他道歉，否則，要麼會惹惱他，要麼便會使他得到鼓勵。

伯德伍德先生沒有和她說話，他回到了農場的家裡。他是一個感情強烈的人，他的情感通常都深深地埋在心底。他嚴肅，不和鄰居們開玩笑，所以人們都覺得他很冷漠。可他愛誰或是恨誰時，卻是全心全意的。如果芭絲謝芭知道這個黝黑、沉靜的人的感情是多麼強烈的話，她一定會為自己的不慎重而自責不已。不過，誰也不知道在他沉靜的外表後面藏著什麼。

幾天後，伯德伍德先生望著與他的地挨著的芭絲謝芭的田地，他看見她在幫著蓋伯瑞爾·奧克照料羊群。伯德伍德覺得芭絲謝芭象黑夜的月亮發著光。他的那顆從不為什麼所動的心充滿了對她的愛意。他決定去對她表明心聲。

他在田地的大門口停住了腳，這時芭絲謝芭抬起頭來，注意到了她。蓋伯瑞爾看著她，發現她紅了臉。他立刻想到伯德伍德給他看的那個裝著情人卡的信封，估計是芭絲謝芭引得這位農場主愛上了她。

伯德伍德意識到他們在注意自己，他突然感到沒有信心。他不很瞭解女人，所以無法從芭絲謝芭的態度上弄清她是否願意見他。所以他沒有進地裡去，而是一直走過了大門。

芭絲謝芭知道他是來看她的，心裡感到很不安。她向自己保證決不再打擾這個人平靜的生活了。不幸的是，她的保證太晚了，這種保證常常會這樣。

直到五月底，伯德伍德才鼓起勇氣宣佈了他的愛情。他來到芭絲謝芭的家，女僕告訴他女主人去看給羊洗澡了。每年春天都在一個特別的池子裡給羊洗澡，這樣可以清潔羊毛，也可去除羊身上的寄生蟲。伯德伍德穿過田地走向池塘，他發現農場工人們都在那裡忙著給羊洗澡。

芭絲謝芭站在他們跟前，她看到伯德伍德向她走來。她走開了，沿著河邊走去，她能聽到身後草裡的腳步聲。她感到她的四周瀰漫著愛意，象空氣中的香味。伯德伍德追上了她。

“伊芙丁小姐！”他輕聲叫道。

她顫抖了，轉身說，“早晨好。”她從他說話的聲音已猜出了他的來意。

“我想得太多了，都想不清了，”他直截了當地說，“伊芙丁小姐，我的生活不再屬於我，而是屬於你。我是來向你求婚的。”

芭絲謝芭努力地不使感情在臉上表現出來。

“我41歲，”他接著說。“從未結過婚，甚至從未想過會結婚。但人都是變化的，我見到你時，我變了。我現在最迫切需要的就是要你做我的妻子。”

“伯德伍德先生，我覺得儘管我非常尊敬您，但這並不足以讓我接受你的求婚。”

“沒有你我的生活將毫無意義！”他嚷道，有些沉不住氣了。“希望你允許我一遍遍地說我愛你！”芭絲謝芭沉默不語。“我希望你能把我當回事，聽我說說我的心裡話。”他又說道。

芭絲謝芭正準備問他怎麼會這樣想時，突然記起了那張情人卡。這樣，伯德伍德認為芭絲謝芭喜歡他是很自然的。

“我希望我能用漂亮的言詞追求你，”農場主繼續說，“但我只能說我發瘋地愛著你，而且想要你做我的妻子。要不是你燃起了我的希望，我是不會求婚的。”

“伯德伍德先生，這對我太難了！恐怕我不能和你結婚。我並不愛你！我不該寄那張情人卡——請原諒——那樣做是欠考慮的。”

“不，不，別說那件事是欠考慮的！說它是你喜歡我的開始。考慮一下你是否願意我做你的丈夫。我明白對你來說我有點太老了，可是相信我，我會比年輕的人照顧得你更好。你沒有需要操心的事。你會擁有你需要的一切！只有天知道你對我意味著什麼！”

芭絲謝芭那顆年輕的心對這個敏感的人充滿了憐憫，他講得如此的直率和誠懇。

“別這麼說，別這麼說！你的感情如此強烈，而我卻什麼都不覺得，”她回答說。“別再說這個了，我無法考慮！唉，我使你這麼痛苦！”

“告訴我你並沒有完全拒絕我。給我一線希望！我可以再求婚嗎？我可以想你嗎？”

“可以，我想可以。”

“我可以希望你下次會接受我的求婚嗎？”

“不，別抱希望！我現在得走了。給我時間讓我想想。”

“行，我給你時間，”他感激地說。“謝謝你，現在我高興了。”

“請別這樣，伯德伍德先生，要是僅僅因為我同意，你就覺得那麼高興，那你就先別高興！我必須考慮考慮。”

“我可以等，”他同意了。他們分手，各自回到自己的家裡。