# ■ 12 Pip discovers the truth

While Estella lived in London，staying with friends of Miss Havisham's，I often visited her．She had an endless stream of admirers，and I was jealous of all of them．I never had an hour's happiness with her，but I still thought about her，day and night，and my dearest wish was to marry her．Several times Miss Havisham ordered me to bring Estella to visit her，and of course I always obeyed．Estella was as proud and cold as ever，with her admirers，with Miss Havisham and with me．

One man who admired her and followed her everywhere was the unpleasant Bentley Drummle．One day I asked her about him．

‘Estella，why do you encourage someone like Drummle？You know very well he's stupid，and nobody likes him．’

‘Don't be foolish，Pip，'she answered．‘Perhaps I encourage him because that has a certain effect on the others．’

‘But he isn't worth it！’I cried angrily．

‘What difference does it make？'she answered tiredly．‘If I smile at him，it's because it means nothing to me．You should be glad that I don't give you false looks or smiles．At least I am always honest with you．’

But while my heart was aching for Estella，I had no idea that I would soon be hit by a disaster which would completely destroy my hopos and dreams．The chain of events which had begun before I ever met her was slowly reaching its end．

Herbert and I had moved to rooms in a house by the river，in the Temple area．One evening he was abroad on business and I was alone at home，reading．It was terrible weather，stormy and wet，with deep mud in the streets．The wind rushing up the river shook the whole building，and the rain beat violently against the windows．As I closed my book at eleven o’clock，I heard a heavy footstep on the stairs．When I went to the door with my lamp，I saw a man coming slowly upstairs．He was wearing rough clothes，and he was about six－ty，with a brown face and long grey hair．But what really surprized me was that he was holding out both hands to me．

‘Can I help you？’I asked politely but coldly．

‘Ah！Yes，’he said，dropping his hands，‘yes，I'll explain．’He came into the sitting－room，where he looked round admiringly at my furniture and books．He held out his hands to me again，but I refused to take them．Then he sat down heavily in a chair，and rubbed his eyes with one rather dirty hand．

‘You see，’he said，‘it's disappointing．Looked forward to this day for so long，I have．But it's not your fault．I'll explain．Is there anybody near who can hear us？’

‘Why do you，a stranger，visiting me late at night，ask that question？’I asked．And then suddenly I knew who he was！In spite of the years that had passed，I was sure he was my convict！ And when he held out his hands again，this time I took them．He raised my hands to his lips and kissed them．

‘You helped me all those years ago，Pip！Never forgotten it！’He seemed to want to put his arms around me，but I stopped him．

‘If you are grateful to me for what I did in my childhood，I hope you have improved your way of life now．It wasn't necessary to come here to thank me．But you must understand that．…’I stopped speaking as I noticed how strangely he was staring at me．

‘What must I understand？’he asked，his eyes fixed on me．

‘That I don't wish to be your friend．You and I met once in the past，but now our lives are separate．Will you have a drink before you leave？’As I handed him a glass of rum，I noticed that his eyes were full of tears．‘I'm sorry if that sounds hard，’l added．‘I didn't mean it to be．Good luck in the future！’We drank together．‘How have you been living recently？’

‘I was sent to Australia，you know，because I escaped from the prison-ship．After several years I finished my punishment， and so I was allowed to work for myself．I did every kind of job there．It was a hard life，but I made a lot of money．’

‘I'm glad to hear it，’I said．‘That reminds me，I must give you back the two pounds you sent me．I don't need it now．’And I handed him two new pound notes from my purse．Still watching me，he held them near the lamp until they caught fire．

‘May I ask，’he said，‘how you have done so well，since you and I met on those lonely marshes？’His eves were still fixed on mine，and I began to tremble．

‘I－I've been chosen to inherit a fortune，’I whispered．

‘Perhaps I can guess how much，'said the convict．‘Could it be，well，five hundred pounds a year？’I stood up，holding on to the back of my chair，my heart beating like a hammer．

‘The agent who arranged it all，’he continued．‘was he perhaps a lawyer，name of Jaggers？’

Suddenly I realized the awful truth．I could not speak nor breathe，and fell on to the sofa．He brought his fierce old face close to mine，and bent over me．

‘Yes，Pip，dear boy， I've made a gentleman of you！You see，I promised myself that all the money I earned out there in Australia should go to you！I'm your second father，Pip！I'm not a gentleman myself，and I didn't go to school，but I've got you，Pip！And look what a gentleman you are！And what books you've got！ You'll read them to me，Pip！And I'll be proud of you even if I can't understand them！Didn't you ever think it could be me who was sending the money？’

‘Oh no，no，no，’I replied．‘Never，never！Wasn't any－one else involved at all？’

No，just me，and Jaggers，of course．Who else could there be？Dear boy，I kept myself going，you see，through all the hard work，just by thinking of you．And I promised myself I'd come back to England one day，and see my boy．’He laid his band on my shoulder．‘Now you must find a bed for me，’he added，‘and remember，not a word to anybody．I was sent away for life，and they'll hang me if they discover I've come back．’

My feelings were horribly confused．The man who had paid for my education and luxuries for years was risking his life to see me．I could not like him，in fact my whole body trembled with disgust when he touched me，but I had to protect him．

He went to sleep in Herbert's room．After locking all the doors carefully，I sat weakly down by the fire and tried to make sense of my life．How foolish my dreams had been！ Miss Havisham had never intended to make me rich，or let me marry Estella．But there was something worse than that．It was for this convict，who could be caught and hanged at any moment，that I had deserted Joe．I could never，never，never forgive myself for that．

■ 12 匹普真相大白

當艾絲黛拉生活在倫敦和郝薇香小姐的朋友住在一起時，我常去拜訪她。她有一個川流不息的崇拜者隊伍，我是他們大家所嫉妒的。我和她從來沒有半小時的快樂，但我仍然日夜想念她，我的最美好的願望是和她結婚。郝薇香小姐幾次要求我帶著艾絲黛拉去看她。當然啦，我總是服從。艾絲黛拉對她的崇拜者、對郝薇香小姐、對我像以往一樣的傲慢和冷酷無情。

有一個喜歡她並且到處陪著她的人是可惡的本特利·朱穆爾。一天，我向艾絲黛拉問起了他。

“艾絲黛拉，為什麼你親近像朱穆爾這樣的人？你很清楚他是愚蠢的，沒有人喜歡他。”

“不要犯傻了，匹普，”她回答說，“也許我親近他是因為在其他方面有某些影響。”

“可是，他不值得親近！”我氣憤地喊著。

“這樣做有什麼關係？”她厭倦地回答，“是否我對他微笑？而對你沒什麼表示。你應當高興，我沒有給你虛假的一眼或虛假的微笑。最後，我始終對你是真情的。”

但是，當我正為艾絲黛拉痛心時，我還沒有意識到，我很快會受到完全毀滅我的希望和夢想的這一災難性的打擊。我在認識她以前已經開始的一連串的事件，正慢慢地走向它的結尾。

我和赫伯特遷移到河附近住處，位於寺廟區。一天晚上，他還在國外辦理業務，我獨自在家裡看書。天氣惡劣，暴風驟雨和潮溼，大街上泥濘不堪。狂風衝擊著河水震動整個樓房，大雨猛烈地擊打著窗戶。當我在11點鐘合上書本時，聽到樓梯上有沉重的腳步聲。當我拿著燈走到門口時，看到一個人正緩慢地上樓。他穿著一身粗製的衣服，他有一副褐色的臉，蓄著一頭灰色長髮，大約60歲左右。不過，讓我真正吃驚的是他向我伸出雙手。

“我能幫你的忙嗎？”我有禮貌地但冷冰冰地說。

“啊，是呀，”他放下他的手說，“是的，我會解釋的。”他進到客廳，他羨慕地看看周圍的傢俱和書本，又向我伸出雙手，但被我拒絕。然後，他吃力地坐在椅子上，用一隻很髒的手揩著眼睛。

“你明白，”他說，“讓我很失望。這一天我盼望了很久。不過，不會怪你的不友好相待，我會解釋的。旁邊沒有人能聽到我們談話吧？”

“你為什麼這樣做，一個陌生人，深更半夜到我屋裡來，問這種問題？”我問道。這時，我突然認出了他是誰！儘管歲月流逝許多年，我確信他是我那個囚犯！他又伸出雙手，這一次我接過他的雙手，他把我的雙手捧到嘴邊接著吻了我的雙手。

“很多年以前，你救過我，匹普！我從來不會忘記此事！”他好像要擁抱我，但是，我推開了他。

“如果你是感激我在童年時我所做的一切，我希望你現在改過自新，用不著來這裡感謝我。但是，你必須明白……”當我發現他很奇怪地正盯著我時，我停止了說話。

“我必須明白什麼？”他說，眼睛緊緊盯著我。

“我不希望做你的朋友，我和你在過去相見過，但是，現在我們的生活是分開的。你走之前，要喝點東西嗎？”當我遞給他一杯朗姆酒時，我發現他的眼睛盈滿了淚水。“如果我說得太刻薄，請原諒，”我補充說，“我說的沒有別的意思。祝你未來好運！”我們一起幹杯，“你現在過得怎麼樣啊？”

“我被髮落到澳大利亞，你知道，因為我從船上監獄逃跑。幾年以後，我刑滿釋放，因此，允許我為自己幹活。在那兒，我什麼活都幹過，生活很艱苦，但我掙了很多錢。”

“我聽了真高興，”我說，“這提醒了我。我必須把你送給我的兩英鎊錢還給你，我現在不需要它了。”接著我從錢袋裡拿出兩張嶄新的英鎊鈔票遞給了他。他把鈔票拿到燈的附近，直到燒著，他仍然看著我。

“我問你，”他說，“自從我和你在那個寂寞的沼澤地相見後，你是怎麼富起來的？”他的眼睛仍然盯著我的眼睛。我開始發抖。

“我——我被選中去繼承一筆財富，”我小聲地說。

“或許我多少能猜出來，”這個逃犯說，“可能是，唷，一年500英鎊？”我抓著椅背站起來，像揣了只小兔一樣，心怦怦地跳。

“由監護人安排的這一切，”他繼續說，“他或許是一名律師吧，叫賈格斯？”

我突然明白了這個可怕的真相。我啞口無言，喘不過氣來，癱倒在沙發上。他帶著可怕的老臉靠近我的臉伏在我上邊。

“是啊，匹普，親愛的孩子，我把你培養為一名紳士！你明白，我向自己保證，把在澳大利亞掙來的錢，都將全部給你！我是你再生之父，匹普！我自己不是一個紳士，我沒有上過學。但是，我得到了你，匹普！瞧，你是一名紳士！你有這麼多書！你將給我讀這些書，匹普！即使我對書本一竅不通，我也會為你感到自豪！你無論如何也想不到提供給你錢的竟是我吧？”

“噢，不，不，不，”我回答說，“從來沒有想到，從來沒有想到！再沒有人知道此事吧？”

“沒有，當然，只有我和賈格斯，還能有誰呢？親愛的孩子，我堅持自己的信念，你明白，通過拼命地工作，就是想著你，我堅信總有一天會回到英國來，見見我的孩子。”他把手放在我的肩上，“現在，你必須給我找個睡覺的地方，”他補充著說，“並記住，不能把此事張揚出去，我是被終生髮配在那兒，如果他們發現我已經回來了，將會絞死我。”

我的心情被攪得恐怖慌亂。多年來，一直給我支付用於教育和奢侈的這個人，冒著生命危險來看我。我不可能喜歡他，當他碰我時，事實上我全身是由於厭惡而發抖。但是，我必須保護他。

他到赫伯特的房間去睡覺，我小心地把所有的門緊鎖牢後，癱軟地坐在火爐旁，竭力地思考我的人生。我的夢想多麼愚蠢！郝薇香小姐從來沒有打算讓我富有，也沒有打算讓我和艾絲黛拉結婚。但是，有些比這個更糟糕的事情，就是這個逃犯，他隨時都會被抓到處以絞刑。還有，我已經拋棄了喬，為這一點我從來不能，從來不能，從來不能原諒自己。