ChinesePod
aChinesePod
@ 40666 Editing a Document
A 主編早。
zhǔbiān zǎo.
Good morning, sir.
B 哎，早。這次的文章寫得不錯。把旅遊和情感結合在一起。你自己感覺怎麼樣？
āi, zǎo. zhècì de wénzhāng xiě de bùcuò. bǎ lǚyóu hé qínggǎn jiéhé zài yīqǐ. nǐ zìjǐ gǎnjué zěnmeyàng?
Ah, good morning. You wrote this article quite well. You brought travel and emotion together. How do you feel about it?
A 寫起來挺順手的。這要多謝主編讓我自由發揮啊。
xiě qǐlai tǐng shùnshǒu de. zhè yào duōxiè zhǔbiān ràng wǒ zìyóu fāhuī a.
It came out quite naturally. I have to thank you for letting me freely express myself.
B 我看得出來，你的文筆很流暢、很細膩。但是你寫得太自我陶醉，有點跑題了。雖然說寫文章要有個性，但是讀者的需要是最重要的。你寫旅遊文章一定要提供實用的信息。
wǒ kàn de chūlái, nǐ de wénbǐ hěn liúchàng, hěn xìnì. dànshì nǐ xiě de tài zìwǒtáozuì, yǒudiǎn pǎotí le. suīrán shuō xiě wénzhāng yào yǒu gèxìng, dànshì dúzhě de xūyào shì zuì zhòngyào de. nǐ xiě lǚyóu wénzhāng yīdìng yào tígōng shíyòng de xìnxī.
I can tell, your writing style is very fluid, very exquisite. But you write a bit too narcissistically, and go off topic some. Although you need character when you write, the needs of the reader are most important. When writing a travel article, you have to offer useful information.
A 那我需要改變總體的角度嗎？
nà wǒ xūyào gǎibiàn zǒngtǐ de jiǎodù ma?
So do I need to change the overall angle?
B 不用。但是具體的內容和用詞，要修改很多。你把太多的筆墨用在個人情感上了。這樣一來，文章就缺乏客觀基本的信息。
bùyòng. dànshì jùtǐ de nèiróng hé yòngcí, yào xiūgǎi hěn duō. nǐ bǎ tài duō de bǐmò yòng zài gèrén qínggǎn shàng le. zhèyàngyīlái, wénzhāng jiù quēfá kèguān jīběn de xìnxī.
No. But specific content and word choice will need a lot of revision. You used too much ink on personal emotion. Like this, the article lacks objectivity in the basic information.
A 這點我也注意到了。但我總是平衡不好這兩方面的關係。
zhèdiǎn wǒ yě zhùyì dào le. dàn wǒ zǒngshì pínghéng bù hǎo zhè liǎng fāngmiàn de guānxi.
I noticed that too. But I can never find the right balance in the relationship between the two.
B 沒關係。慢慢來。熟能生巧嘛。
méiguānxi. mànmàn lái. shúnéngshēngqiǎo ma.
That's OK. It takes time. Practice makes perfect, right?
A 那，您覺得個人情感和客觀信息的比例應該是多少呢？
nà, nín juéde gèrén qínggǎn hé kèguān xìnxī de bǐlì yīnggāi shì duōshao ne?
Then what do you think the ratio of personal feeling to objective information should be?
B 不要分比例。而是要記住你的目的是介紹這個地方，突出這個地方的旅遊價值。無論你從什麼角度去寫，都要以這個為出發點。
bùyào fēn bǐlì. érshì yào jìzhu nǐ de mùdì shì jièshào zhège dìfang, tūchū zhège dìfang de lǚyóu jiàzhí. wúlùn nǐ cóng shénme jiǎodù qù xiě, dōu yào yǐ zhège wéi chūfādiǎn.
Don't put it into a ratio. You have to remember that your goal is to introduce this place, and to emphasize this place's tour value. No matter what angle you write from, you need to make that your starting point.
A 哦，您這麼一說我就懂了。
ō, nín zhème yī shuō wǒ jiù dǒng le.
Oh, when you put it that way, I get it.
B 還有，用詞不要太繁瑣。你這次就用了太多的修飾。其實說的都是同樣的內容，沒有多大意義。很多段落都要壓縮一下。
háiyǒu, yòngcí bùyào tài fánsuǒ. nǐ zhècì jiù yòng le tài duō de xiūshì. qíshí shuō de dōu shì tóngyàng de nèiróng, méiyǒu duō dà yìyì. hěn duō duànluò dōu yào yāsuō yīxià.
Also, don't let your wording get too detailed. This time you used too many modifiers. It's actually all saying the same thing, so it doesn't mean much. Many of the paragraphs need to be condensed some.
A 不過，主編，我可不可以保留一些自己的風格？
bùguò, zhǔbiān, wǒ kě bu kěyǐ bǎoliú yīxiē zìjǐ de fēnggé?
But sir, can't I preserve some of my own style?
B 當然可以。但我說的那些要注意。內容方面，不能太單一，要豐富一些。另外，文章中有個別地方讀起來不太通順。不知道你注意到了沒有？我給你圈出來了。你回去後改一下。
dāngrán kěyǐ. dàn wǒ shuō de nàxiē yào zhùyì. nèiróng fāngmiàn, bùnéng tài dānyī, yào fēngfù yīxiē. lìngwài, wénzhāng zhōng yǒu gèbié dìfang dú qǐlai bùtài tōngshùn. bù zhīdào nǐ zhùyìdào le méiyǒu? wǒ gěi nǐ quān chūlai le. nǐ huíqu hòu gǎi yīxià.
Of course. But you need to pay attention to the things I said. In content, you can't be too singularly focused. You have to flesh it out more. Also, there are a few places in the article that don't read too smoothly. I'm not sure if you noticed. I circled them for you. Go back and fix them.
A 嗯，我馬上修改。聽您一說，我就清楚多了。
ng4, wǒ mǎshàng xiūgǎi. tīng nín yī shuō, wǒ jiù qīngchu duō le.
OK, I'll revise them right away. After listening to you for a bit, I'm a lot clearer now.
B 以後寫的時候也要注意啊。
yǐhòu xiě de shíhou yě yào zhùyì a.
You have to pay attention to this in your future writing too.
A 好的。謝謝主編。我改好後給您送來。
hǎo de. xièxie zhǔbiān. wǒ gǎi hǎo hòu gěi nín sòng lái.
OK. Thank you, sir. After I revise it I'll send it to you.
Key Vocabulary
主編 zhǔbiān
情感 qínggǎn
順手 shùnshǒu
發揮 fāhuī
文筆 wénbǐ
流暢 liúchàng
細膩 xìnì
自我陶醉 zìwǒtáozuì
跑題 pǎotí
總體 zǒngtǐ
用詞 yòngcí
修改 xiūgǎi
筆墨 bǐmò
平衡 pínghéng
熟能生巧 shúnéngshēngqiǎo
突出 tūchū
出發點 chūfādiǎn
繁瑣 fánsuǒ
修飾 xiūshì
壓縮 yāsuō
單一 dānyī
通順 tōngshùn
圈 quān
Supplementary Vocabulary
編輯 biānjí
跑調 pǎodiào
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