# ■ 15 The future Mrs Rochester

And so I set out on the long journey back to Thornfield．Mrs Fairfax had written to me while I was at Gateshead，telling me that the guests had all gone，and Mr Rochester had gone to London to buy a carriage for his wedding．It was clear that he would be getting married very soon．

After a long day sitting in the coach，I decided to get out at Millcote，leave my luggage at the hotel， and walk across the fields to Thornfield．It was a warm June evening，and I felt glad to be going home．I had to remind myself sternly that Thornfield was not my permanent home，and that the person I was so looking forward to seeing was perhaps not even thinking of me．

And then I saw him！He was sitting on the gate ahead of me，writing in a notebook He noticed me at once． 'Hallo！'he cried．I was trembling at the unexpected sight of him，and could not control my voice，so I approached in silence．

So it's Jane Eyre！'he continued．'Why didn't you send for a carriage？It's just like you to come on foot from Millcote Now，what have you been doing for a whole month？'

I've been looking after my aunt，sir，who's just died．'

You come from another world，Jane，from the world of the dead．I think you must be a spirit．And absent for a whole month！I'm sure you've quite forgotten me．'

Even though I knew I would soon lose him，he had such power to make me happy that I was in heaven listening to him．

Did Mrs Fairfax tell you I've been to London？'he asked．

Oh yes，sir，she did．'

And I expect she told you why I went there？Well，you must see the carriage I've bought，Jane．It will suit Mrs Rochester perfectly．I only wish I were more handsome， as she's so beautiful．Can't you put one of your spells on me，to make me more attractive for her？'

That's beyond the power of magic，sir，'I replied，while thinking，'To someone who loves you，you are handsome enough．'

Mr Rochester was sometimes able to read my thoughts， but this time he just smiled warmly at me，and opened the gate．

Pass，friend，'he said，'and welcome home！'

I could have just walked past him in silence，but something made me turn and say quickly，before I could stop myself，'Thank you，Mr Rochester，for your great kindness．'I'm glad to come back to you，and wherever you are is my home—my only home．'I ran across the field and into the house before he had time to answer．

Two weeks passed after my return， with no news of the wedding．There were no preparations at Thornfield，and no visits to the Ingram family，who lived only a few miles away．I almost began to hope．

It was the middle of summer，and every day the sun shone on the green fields，the white，baked roads，and the cool，dark woods．One evening， after Adele had gone to sleep，I went into the garden．I discovered a quiet place where I thought nobody would find me，but then I noticed Mr Rochester had come into the garden too．Hoping to escape back to the house，I crept quietly behind him while he was bending over to admire an insect，but—

Jane，'he said suddenly，'come and look at this beautiful insect．Oh，now he's flown away．No，don't go back to the house，Jane，on such a lovely night．Come and walk with me．'I could not find a reason for leaving him， so I accompanied him in silence．

Jane，'he began，'you like Thornfield，don't you？And you even like little Adele，and old Mrs Fairfax，don't you？'

I do，sir，I really don't want to leave them．'

What a pity！'he sighed．'That's what happens in life．No sooner have you got used to a place than you have to move on．'

Do I have to move on，sir？Leave Thornfield？'

I'm afraid you must， Jane．'

Then you are going to be married，sir？'

Exactly，Jane．And as you have pointed out，when I take the lovely Miss Ingram as my bride，you and Adele must leave the house，so I'm looking for a new job for you．'

I'm sorry to cause you trouble，'I said miserably．

No trouble at all！In fact I've already heard of a very good job which would be just right for you，teaching the five daughters of an Irish family．You'll like Ireland，I think．They're such friendly people，'he said cheerfully．

It's such a long way away， sir！'I was fighting to keep my tears back．There was an icy coldness in my heart．

Away from what，Jane？'

From England and from Thornfield and—'

Well？'

From you，sir！'I could not stop myself，and burst into tears immediately．

It certainly is very far away，'he said calmly．'Let's sit on this bench，Jane，like old friends saying goodbye．You know，I sometimes feel as if you and I were connected by a string tying our two hearts together，and if you went to Ireland，I think that string might break and I might bleed to death．' 'I wish…I wish I'd never been born！'I cried．'I wish I'd never come to Thornfield！'No longer able to control my feelings，I poured out what was in my heart．'I can't bear to leave！Because here I've been treated kindly．And because I've met you，Mr Rochester，and I can't bear never to see you again．Now I have to leave，I feel as if I'm dying！'

Why do you have to leave？'he asked innocently．

Why？'I repeated，amazed．'Because you're marrying Miss Ingram—she's your bride！'

My bride！I have no bride！'he answered．'But I will have one，and you must stay！'

I can't stay！'I cried furiously．'Do you think I can watch another woman become your bride？Do you think I'm a machine，without feelings？Do you think，because I'm small and poor and plain，that I have no soul and no heart？Well，you're wrong！I have as much soul and heart as you．It is my spirit that speaks to your spirit！We are equal in the sight of God！'

We are！'repeated Mr Rochester， taking me in his arms and kissing me．'Don't struggle，Jane，like a wild restless bird！'

Let me go，Mr Rochester．I am no bird，but a free human being．'And I managed to break away．

Yes，Jane，you are free to decide．I ask you to walk through life with me，to be my constant companion．'

You're laughing at me．You've already chosen your companion for life．'I was crying quietly，while Mr Rochester looked gently and seriously at me．

Jane，'he said，'I ask you to be my wife．You are my equal，Jane．Will you marry me？Don't you believe me？'

Not at all，'I answered．

I'll convince you！Listen，I don't love Miss Ingram and she doesn't love me．She only liked me for my wealth，and when I，disguised as the gipsy woman，told her that I had only a little money，she and her mother lost interest in me．You strange magical spirit，I love you！You，small and poor and plain，I ask you to marry me！'

You want to marry me？'I cried，almost beginning to believe him．'But I have no friends，no money，no family！'

I don't care，Jane！Say yes，quickly！It's cruel to make me suffer like this！Give me my name，say，“Edward，I'll marry you！”'he cried，his face very pale in the moonlight．

Are you serious？Do you really love me？ Do you honestly want me to be your wife？'I asked．

I swear it．'

Then，Edward，I will marry you．'

My little wife！'He held me in his arms for a long time，kissing me gently．Once he murmured，'No family！That's good．No family to interfere！'and then，'I don't care what people think！'and again and again，'Are you happy，Jane？'I thought of nothing except the great happiness of being with him for ever．

But while we were talking the weather had changed．A strong wind was now blowing and there was a loud crack of thunder．Suddenly rain poured down，and although we hurried back to the house，we were quite wet when we arrived in the hall．We did not notice Mrs Fairfax standing in the shadows．

Good night，my darling，'he said，kissing me repeatedly．As I ran upstairs，I caught sight of the old lady's shocked face．

Tomorrow I'll explain to her，'I thought．Just then I was too happy to think about anything except our bright future．

Outside，the storm continued furiously all night，and in the morning we discovered that the great tree at the bottom of the garden，which had stood for hundreds of years，had been hit by lightning and torn in half．

■ 15 未來的羅切斯特太太

於是我踏上了返回特恩費得的漫長旅途。我在蓋茨赫德時，費爾法斯太太曾寫信給我，告訴我客人們都走了，羅切斯特先生也去了倫敦，為他的婚禮購置馬車。他顯然是很快就要結婚了。

我在馬車裡坐了整整一天，於是決定在米爾考特下車，將行李留在旅館裡，步行走過田野，回到特恩費得。6月的夜晚溫暖宜人，想到要回家了，我感到非常高興。我不得不時時嚴肅地警告自己特恩費得不是我永久的家，我熱切希望見到的那個人可能根本想都不想我。

後來我看到了他！他就坐在我前頭的大門口，正往筆記本里寫著什麼。他一下子就看見了我。

“你好啊！”他喊道。意外地見到他讓我渾身發抖，無法控制自己的聲音，於是我靜靜地走了過去。

“那麼是簡·愛了！”他接著說，“你為什麼沒叫馬車去？走著從米爾考特回來，這正像你。好了，你整整一個月都幹什麼了？”

“先生，我一直照顧舅媽，她剛去世。”

“簡，你來自另一個世界，一個死人的世界，我想你肯定是個幽靈。離開整整一個月！我肯定你已經把我忘了。”

儘管我知道我很快就會失去他，但他使我感到幸福的力量是那麼強大，聽到他的聲音我就像進了天堂。

“費爾法斯太太告訴過你我去倫敦了嗎？”他問。

“噢，是的，先生，她告訴我了。”

“我想她也跟你說了我為什麼去？好了，你必須看看我買的新馬車，它完全配得上羅切斯特太太。我只希望自己長得好看些，因為她是那麼美。你不能給我念個咒語，讓我對她更有吸引力嗎？”

“先生，這是魔力無能為力的。”我一邊回答一邊想：“對於愛你的人來說，你已經夠英俊的了。”

羅切斯特先生有時可以看透我的心思，但這次他只是對我熱切地微笑，並打開了大門。

“請進，朋友，”他說，“歡迎回家！”

我本可以靜靜地從他面前走過，可不知什麼讓我轉過身來，沒等我止住自己，話已說出了口：“羅切斯特先生，謝謝你的盛情。我很高興回到你這裡，你在哪兒，哪兒就是我的家，我唯一的家。”我不等他答話就跑過院子進了房間。

我回來後已經兩星期了，卻沒有婚禮的消息。特恩費得沒做任何準備，沒人去看望僅幾英里之遙的英格姆一家。我幾乎在盼著婚禮了。

時值仲夏，每天驕陽都照耀著綠色的田野，白的、烤硬的路面和涼爽的深綠色樹林。一天晚上阿黛拉入睡後，我走進花園。我找了個自認為誰也找不到我的僻靜處，可是這時我看到羅切斯特先生也來到花園。我希望能溜回屋去，於是從他背後躡手躡腳地走著。他正彎下身去觀賞一隻小蟲子。可是——

他突然說：“簡，過來看看這隻美麗的小蟲子。噢，它現在飛了。別走，簡，這麼美好的夜晚，別回屋裡去，過來跟我走走。”我找不到離開他的藉口，便默默地陪著他。

“簡，”他開始說道，“你喜歡特恩費得，是不是？你甚至喜歡小阿黛拉和費爾法斯老太太，對嗎？”

“是的，先生。我真不願離開她們。”

“真可惜！”他嘆息道。“生活就是這樣。你剛剛適應一個地方，就得搬走了。”

“先生，我必須搬走嗎？離開特恩費得嗎？”

“簡，恐怕你必須這樣。”

“那麼你要結婚了，先生？”

“簡，正是這樣。正像你所說的，當我娶可愛的英格姆小姐為妻時，你和阿黛拉必須離開我家，所以我正在給你找新工作。”

“對不起，麻煩你了。”我痛苦地說。

“一點兒不麻煩。實際上我已經聽說有份很不錯的工作，正適合你，到一戶愛爾蘭人家教五個女孩。我想你會喜歡愛爾蘭的，那兒的人非常友好的。”他快活地說道。

“先生，這太遠了！”我努力抑制住自己的淚水，心裡感到冰一樣冷。

“簡，離什麼太遠了？”

“離英格蘭，離特恩費得，還有離——”

“嗯？”

“離你，先生。”我無法剋制自己，眼淚一下子湧了出來。

“的確非常遙遠。”他平靜地說，“簡，我們一塊坐坐，就像老朋友道別一樣。你知道，我有時感到我們兩個是連在一起的，一根線繫著我們的兩顆心。如果你去愛爾蘭，那根線可能會繃斷，我會流血死去的。”

“我希望……我希望我根本沒來到人世！”我叫道，“我希望我永遠沒來過特恩費得！”我再也無法控制自己的感情，一下子傾訴出我的心聲。“離開這裡我無法忍受！因為在這裡我得到善待，因為我遇到了你，羅切斯特先生，我不能忍受再也見不到你。現在我必須離開，我覺得我要死了！”

“你為什麼要走呢？”他茫然地問。

“為什麼？”我吃驚地重複著。“因為你要娶英格姆小姐——她是你的新娘！”

“我的新娘！我沒有新娘！”他答道。“不過我會有的，而你必須留下！”

“我不能留下，”我惱怒地說，“你認為我能看著別的女人成為你的新娘嗎？你認為我是機器沒有感情嗎？你以為我弱小、貧窮、平凡就沒有靈魂、沒有心嗎？那麼，你錯了！我和你一樣有血有肉。我的靈魂在對你的靈魂講話！我們在上帝眼裡是平等的！”

“我們是！”羅切斯特重複著，把我攬在懷裡，吻著我。“簡，別像只不安的小野鳥一樣掙扎！”

“羅切斯特先生，讓我走。我不是鳥，而是個自由人。”我努力掙脫了出來。

“是的，簡，你可以自由決定。我請求你在生活中與我同行，做我永遠的伴侶。”

“你在取笑我，你已經選擇了自己的生命伴侶。”我無聲地哭著，羅切斯特先生溫柔而嚴肅地看著我。

“簡，”他說，“我請求你做我的妻子。簡，我們是一樣的。你嫁給我嗎？你不相信我嗎？”

“一點兒也不相信。”我回答。

“我會說服你的。聽著，我不愛英格姆小姐，她也不愛我。她為我的財才愛我，而當我裝扮成吉普賽女人告訴她我只有一點錢時，她和她母親都對我失去了興趣。你這奇怪的帶著魔力的小精靈，我愛你！你，弱小、貧窮、平凡，我請求你嫁給我！”

“你想娶我？”我叫道，幾乎有點兒相信他了。“可是我沒有朋友，沒有錢，沒有親人！”

“簡，我不在乎。快答應！讓我這麼痛苦，真是太殘酷了！講我的名字，說：'愛德華，我嫁給你！'”他喊著，臉色在月光下那麼蒼白。

“你是認真的？你真的愛我？你真的希望我成為你的妻子？”我問。

“我發誓！”

“那麼，愛德華，我嫁給你。”

“我的小妻子！”他久久地摟著我，溫柔地吻著我。他一時低語著：“沒有親人，這很好。沒有家庭的干涉。”一時又說：“我才不管別人怎麼想呢！”他重複了一遍又一遍：“簡，你幸福嗎？”我心裡沒有別的，只想著能和他永遠在一起是多麼幸福。

我們說話時，天突然變了。大風驟起，並響了一聲炸雷。忽然大雨傾盆而下，儘管我們趕緊跑進屋去，到大廳時還是溼透了。我們沒注意到費爾法斯太太站在暗處。

“親愛的，晚安！”他說，不停地吻著我。我跑上樓時，看到了老太太臉上吃驚的表情。

“明天我再向她解釋。”我心想。這時我大高興了，除了我們的美好未來，再無暇顧及別的。

外面雷雨一夜未停。早晨，我們發現花園深處一棵已挺立幾百年的大樹被雷擊中，劈成了兩半。