# ■ 6 Colin is afraid

Because it rained all the next week，Mary went to talk to Colin every day instead of visiting the garden．But she woke early one morning to see the sun shining into her room，and she ran out to the secret garden at once．She did not even wait to have her breakfast．It was beautifully sunny and warm，and a thousand more shoots were pushing their way out of the ground．Dickon was already there，digging hard，with the crow and a young fox beside him．

‘Have you seen the robin？’he asked Mary．The little bird was flying busily backwards and forwards as fast as he could，carrying pieces of dry grass．

‘He's building a nest！’whispered Mary．They watched the robin for a moment．Then Mary said，

‘I must tell you something．You probably know about Colin Craven，don't you？Well，I've met him，and I'm going to help him to get better．’

‘That's good news．’There was a big smile on Dickon's honest face．‘We all knew he was ill．’

‘He's afraid he'll have a crooked back like his father．I think that's what's making him ill．’

‘Perhaps we can bring him here and let him rest under the trees．That'll do him good．That's what we'll do．’

They had a lot of gardening and planning to do and Mary did not have time to visit Colin that day．When she came back to the house in the evening，Martha told her that the servants had had trouble with Colin．

‘He's been very badtempered all afternoon with all of us，because you didn't come，miss．’

‘Well，I was busy．He'll have to learn not to be so selfish，’replied Mary coldly．She forgot how selfish she had been when she was ill in India．‘I'll go and see him now．’

When she went into his room，he was lying in bed，looking tired．He did not turn to look at her．

‘What's the matter with you？’she asked crossly．

‘My back aches and my head hurts．Why dldn't you come this afternoon？’

‘I was working in the garden with Dickon．’

‘I won't let that boy come to the garden if you stay with him instead of talking to me！’

Mary suddenly became very angry．‘If you send Dickon away，I'll never come into this room again！’

‘You'll have to，if I say so．I'll make the servants bring you in here．’

‘Oh，will you，prince！But no one can make me talk to you．I won't look at you．I'll stare at the floor！’

‘You selfish girl！’cried Colin．

‘You're more selfish than I am．You're the most selfish boy I've ever met！’

‘I'm not as selfish as your fine Dickon！He keeps you playing outside when he knows I'm ill and alone！’

Mary had never been so furious．‘Dickon is nicer than any other boy in the world！He's like an angel！’

‘An angel！Don't make me laugh！He's just a poor country boy，with holes in his shoes！’

‘He's a thousand times better than you are！’

Colin had never argued with anyone like himself in his life，and in fact it was good for him．But now he was beginning to feel sorry for himself．

‘I'm always ill，’he said，and started to cry．‘I'm sure my back is a bit crooked．And I'm going to die！’

‘No，you're not！’said Mary crossly．

Colin opened his eyes very wide．Nobody had said that to him before．He was angry，but a bit pleased at the same time．‘What do you mean？You know I'm going to die！Everybody says I'm going to die！’

‘I don't believe it！’said Mary in her most disagreeable voice．‘You just say that to make people feel sorry for you．You're too horrid to die！’

Colin forgot about his painful back and sat up in bed．‘Get out of the room at once！’he shouted，and threw a book at her．

‘I'm going，’Mary shouted in reply，‘and I won't come back！’The door banged shut behind her．

When she reached her own room，she had decided never to tell him her great secret．‘He can stay in his room and die if he 66wants！’she thought．But soon she began to remember how ill he had been，and how frightened he was，frightened that one day his back would become as crooked as his father's．‘Perhaps…perhaps I'll go back and see him tomorrow！’

That night she was woken by the most terrible screams that she had ever heard．Servants were opening and shutting doors and running about．

‘It's Colin！’thought Mary．‘He'll go on screaming until he makes himself really ill！How selfish he is！Somebody should stop him！’

Just then Martha ran into the room．‘We don't know what to do！’she cried．‘He likes you，miss！Come and see if you can make him calmer，please！’

‘Well，I'm very cross with him，’said Mary，and jumped out of bed．‘I'm going to stop him！’

‘That's right，’said Martha．‘He needs someone like you，to argue with．It'll give him something new to think about．’

Mary ran into Colin's room，right up to his bed．

‘Stop screaming！’she shouted furiously．‘Stop at once！I hate you！Everybody hates you！You'll die if you go on screaming like this，and I hope you will！’

The screams stopped immediately．This was the first time that anyone had spoken so angrily to Colin，and he was shocked．But he went on crying quietly to himself．

‘My back's becoming crooked，I can feel it！I know I'm going to die！’Large tears ran down his face．

‘Don't be stupid！’cried Mary．‘There's nothing the matter with your horrid back！Martha，come here and help me look at his back！’

Martha and Mrs Medlock were standing at the door，staring at Mary，their mouths half open．They both looked very frightened．Martha came forward to help，and Miss Mary looked carefully at Colin's thin white back，up and down．Her face was serious and angry at the same time．The room was very quiet．

‘There's nothing wrong with your back！’she said at last．‘Nothing at all！It's as straight as mine！’

Only Colin knew how important those crossly spoken，childish words were．All his life he had been afraid to ask about his back，and his terrible fear had made him ill．Now an angry little girl told him his back was straight，and he believed her．He was no longer afraid．

They were both calmer now．He gave Mary his hand．‘I thinkI'm almost sure I will live，if we can go out in the garden together sometimes．I'm very tired now．Will you stay with me until I go to sleep？’

The servants went out very quietly．

‘I'll tell you all about the secret garden，’whispered Mary．‘I think it's full of roses and beautiful flowers．Birds like making their nests there because it's so quiet and safe．And perhaps our robin…

But Colin was already asleep．

The next day Mary met Dickon as usual in the secret garden，and told him about Colin．Mary loved Dickon's Yorkshire dialect and was trying to learn it herself．She spoke a little now．

‘We mun get poor Colin out here in th'sunshine—an’we munnot lose no time about it！’

Dickon laughed．‘Well done！I didn't know you could speak Yorkshire！You're right．We must bring Colin to the garden as soon as we can．’

So that afternoon she went to see Colin．

‘I'm sorry I said I'd send Dickon away，’he said．‘I hated you when you said he was like an angel！’

‘Well，he's a funny kind of angel，but he understands wild animals better than anyone．’Suddenly，Mary knew that this was the right moment to tell him．She caught hold of his hands．‘Colin，this is important．Can you keep a secret？’

‘Yes—yes！’he whispered excitedly．‘What is it？’

‘We've found the door into the secret garden！’

‘Oh Mary！Will I live long enough to see it？’

‘Of course you will！Don't be stupid！’said Mary crossly．But it was a very natural thing to say，and they both laughed．

Colin told Mrs Medlock and the doctor that he wanted to go out in his wheelchair．At first the doctor was worried the boy would get too tired，but when he heard that Dickon would push the wheelchair，he agreed．

‘Dickon's a sensible boy，’he told Colin．‘But don't forget—’

‘I've told you，I want to forget that I'm ill，’said Colin in his prince's voice．‘Don't you understand？It's because my cousin makes me forget that I feel better when I'm with her．’

■ 6 柯林害怕了

由於接下來下了一個星期的雨，瑪麗沒有去花園，而是每天去看柯林。可一天早晨她很早就醒了，看見陽光灑進她的房間，她立即跑出去到祕密花園，連早餐也沒來得及吃。天氣晴朗，陽光明媚，無數的嫩牙拱出地面，狄肯已經在那兒了，正起勁地挖著土，他的身邊有一隻烏鴉和一隻小狐狸。

“看見知更鳥了嗎？”他問瑪麗。小鳥正忙碌地飛前飛後銜著枯葉。

“它在築巢呢！”瑪麗低聲道。他們看了一會兒，然後瑪麗說：

“我得告訴你一件事。你聽說過柯林·克萊文，是嗎？我見過他了，而且我要幫助他好起來。”

“這可是好消息，”狄肯質樸的臉上露出了開心的笑容。“我們都知道他有病。”

“他是害怕會像他父親那樣駝背，我看這就是他生病的原因。”

“也許我們可以帶他來這兒讓他在樹下休息。那會對他有好處。而那正是我們要做的。”

他們忙著在花園裡修整、種花，所以瑪麗一整天沒時間去看柯林。當她晚上回到房間時，瑪莎告訴她用人們在柯林那兒惹了麻煩了。

“他整個下午衝我們所有人發脾氣，就因為你沒去看他，小姐。”

“哦，我很忙。他得學著別這麼自私。”瑪麗冷冷地說。她忘了她自己在印度生病時有多自私了。“我現在就去看他。”

她走進房間時，他正躺在床上，顯得很疲倦，沒有扭頭看她。

“你怎麼啦？”她不太耐煩地問道。

“我後背疼，頭也疼。下午你為什麼沒來？”

“我在花園裡跟狄肯一起幹活兒。”

“要是你淨跟他在一起不來跟我說話，我就不許那個孩子到花園裡來！”

瑪麗當即就生氣了。“你要讓狄肯走的話，我就再也不到這兒來了！”

“你必須得來，因為我說了讓你來，我會叫用人把你叫來。”

“哦，是嗎？王子！可是沒人能讓我跟你說話呀！我會連看都不看你，就盯著地板！”

“你自私！”柯林叫嚷道。

“你比我自私多了。你是我見過的最自私的人！”

“我可不像你可愛的狄肯那麼自私，他明知我一個人在生病，卻讓你一直在外面陪著他玩！”

瑪麗從來沒生過這麼大的氣，“狄肯比世界上任何男孩都好！他像個天使！”

“一個天使！別逗了！他不過是個鄉下的窮孩子。鞋底還漏著窟窿！”

“他比你好上一千倍！”

柯林長這麼大從沒跟自己年齡相仿的人吵過架，這實際上對他有好處。可這會兒他覺得自己可憐極了。

“我老是生病，”他一邊說一邊哭起來。“我肯定我的背有點駝了，而且我就快死了！”

“不，你不會的！”瑪麗不耐煩了。

柯林睜大了眼睛，以前從來沒人這麼說過他。他生氣了，可同時又有點高興。“你什麼意思？你知道我就要死了！每個人都說我快死了！”

“我不信！”瑪麗說，聲音很刺耳。“你這麼說只是想要別人可憐你。你怕死，你不敢去死！”

柯林忘了背疼的事，從床上坐起來，“馬上從這兒滾出去！”他吼道，把一本書朝她扔過來。

“我這就走。”瑪麗大聲說，“我再也不會來了！”她撞上門走了。

回到自己的房間後，她下決心永遠不告訴他自己的大祕密。“他可以呆在他的房間裡，要死就死吧！”她想。可馬上她又想起他病得那麼厲害，他是那麼恐懼，擔心有一天他的背會像父親一樣駝。“也許……也許明天我會回去看看！”

這天夜裡她被從未聽過的尖叫聲驚醒。用人們開門又關門，跑來跑去。

“是柯林！”瑪麗想。“他會不停地叫下去，直到真弄出病來！他多麼自私啊！該有人去制止他！”

這時瑪莎跑進她的房裡，“我們不知道該怎麼辦！”她叫著。“他喜歡你，小姐！去看看你能不能讓他安靜下來，好嗎？”

“好吧，我煩死他了，”瑪麗說著從床上跳下來，“我得去制止他！”

“沒錯，”瑪莎說。“他需要像你這樣的人，一起吵吵嘴，這能給他點新鮮的東西讓他去琢磨。”

瑪麗跑到他的房間，徑直走到床前。

“別叫啦！”她氣沖沖地喊道，“馬上停住！我討厭你！人人都討厭你！你再這麼喊下去就會死的，我希望你死！”

喊叫聲立即停住了。這可是第一次有人這麼氣憤地對柯林說話，他被嚇壞了。不過他還是在小聲哭著。

“我的背開始駝了，我能感覺到！我知道我就要死了！”大顆的淚珠從他的臉上流了下來。

“別傻了！”瑪麗叫道。“這跟你可怕的背沒關係！瑪莎，過來讓我看看他的背！”

瑪莎和梅洛太太都站在門邊，瞪著瑪麗，嘴巴半張著。看來她們都給嚇壞了。瑪莎走過來幫忙，瑪麗小姐上上下下仔細看了柯林那消瘦蒼白的脊背，神色嚴肅，同時又很生氣。房間裡很靜。

“你的脊背一點毛病也沒有！”她最後說道。“什麼也沒有，像我的背一樣直！”

只有柯林明白這些帶著怒氣說出的孩子氣的話有多麼重要。他長這麼大一直都不敢問起自己的脊背，而他的恐懼總是讓他病歪歪的。現在這個憤怒的小姑娘告訴他，說他的脊背是直的，而他相信她。他再也不怕了。

他們倆這會兒都安靜多了，他把手伸給瑪麗。“我想——要是我們哪天能到花園裡去的話，我幾乎可以肯定我會活下去的。我現在很累了，你能等我睡著後再走嗎？”

用人們悄悄地退了出去。

“我要告訴你祕密花園的事，”瑪麗低聲說。“我想裡面滿是玫瑰和美麗的花兒，鳥兒喜歡在裡面築巢是因為那兒寧靜、安全。而且也許我們的知更鳥……”

可柯林已經睡著了。

第二天瑪麗像往常一樣在祕密花園裡見到狄肯，她告訴他柯林的事。瑪麗喜歡狄肯的約克郡口音，所以努力在學他，她現在已經能說一點了。

“我們得把可憐的柯林弄到這兒來晒晒太陽——我們不能再耽擱了！”

狄肯笑了，“你說的不錯呀！我還不知道你會說約克郡的話！沒錯，我們得儘快帶柯林到花園裡來。”

於是下午她來看柯林。

“很抱歉我說過讓狄肯走的話，”他說。“你說他像個天使，我就討厭你了。”

“嗯，他是那種有趣的天使，而且他比任何人都瞭解那些動物。”這時瑪麗覺得是告訴他的時候了，她握住他的手，“柯林，這很重要，你能保守祕密嗎？”

“能——能！”他小聲興奮地說道。“是什麼？”

“我們找到了進祕密花園的門！”

“哦，瑪麗！我能活著看看它嗎？”

“當然能！別傻了！”瑪麗不耐煩了，可這麼說又非常自然，於是兩人都笑了。

柯林告訴梅洛太太和醫生他想坐輪椅出去。開始醫生擔心他會累著，可當他聽狄肯說用輪椅推著他時，他同意了。

“狄肯是個懂事的孩子，”他對柯林說。“但是別忘了——”

“我告訴過你，我想忘了我有病，”柯林用他那王子般的口氣說。“你不明白嗎？就是因為我表妹讓我忘掉我有病，跟她在一起我才覺得好些的。”